Recovering from Learned Helplessness
Imagine for a moment, that you are a child living in a less well to do family. You grew up seeing your parents struggle or fight over money issues. Now you grow up saving and scrimping all you can to get a decent item for yourself. You find joy in using coupons and seeing the word “cashback” on online shopping apps, you love it when it is on “sale”.
As a grown up, you have the ability to earn and buy for yourself things you would not have been able to get when you’re a child. Yet, why is it that we are physical adults having the limited money mindset of a child? We think we don’t deserve to spend on ourselves but go all out to spend money on others which we may or may not enjoy doing so.
This is because there is a habitual thought and a belief system that we cannot help ourselves or we do not have the capacity to treat ourselves well. Having grown up in an environment where money caused tension, we’d rather not spend money but instead save them for the rainy days.
As a child, we believed we cannot make the situation in our family better and set firm the belief that it is now a permanent lifestyle we cannot escape from. This is not true.
Learned helplessness
is a condition where a person believes that any bad situation is unavoidable and cannot be changed. It can be summed up with the equation:
repeated negative uncontrollable situations + inability to change the circumstances
Repeated negative uncontrollable situations can be events one experience since young when they felt powerless. Negative events happening repeatedly when a person has not yet learned of ways to cope or thrive through the stressful period can leave one feeling hopelessly helpless.
Being in a powerless position, whether if the person experiencing a difficult situation is a young child or an adult who does not have authority in the discussed matter, can leave any individual feeling they don't have the ability to change the circumstances for the better.
Another way to see it:
Something must be fixed
+ It cannot be fixed
+ I can’t make this better
_____________________
= Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness is linked to depression. Individuals who have frequent experience of learned helplessness have lower self-esteem, and this can manifest in different areas of our lives causing us to feel demotivated, emotionally unfulfilling and affect our ability to make decisions.
Living with the belief that we are forever helpless does not serve us. So, how do we go from here?
We can develop resilience with the acronym PPP.
1. Is it permanent?
Is the situation everlasting? Will this go on forever and ever?
2. Is it personal?
Does this happen only to me? There are about 7.8 billion people in the world today, surely there are individuals out there who experience similar situations as you. I want you to know this, you are far from being alone.
3. It is pervasive?
Does the feeling of “everything goes wrong” literally happen every time in all areas of your life? Are there parts of your life where you’re feeling secure and you’ve overlooked it to be a blessing?
Asking yourself these 3 questions will help dissipate the negative feelings you have towards an event. I want you to constantly challenge your beliefs of not being able to make the situation better.
You are a powerful person and you can make decisions and conscious changes to your life. You can take the driver seat of your life, not your fears.
Making deliberate small changes everyday can also help build your mental muscles to tolerate the uncomfortable.
Some changes you can consider:
Your route to work
Your exercise routine
Decide on trying a new food
Trying cold shower
Listening to new types of music
Exposing ourselves to small discomforts everyday prepares us mentally for bigger adversities in life which may throw us off the wall if we do not build these resilient muscles.
Now I want to hear from you, what is your takeaway from this post? Are you really a helpless individual? What small changes can you make today to spice up your life a little?
Share the love. Share this post with a family or friend whom you know would benefit greatly from.
Take care,
Carina
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