Healthy Communications in Relationships pt 2
Almost all relationship issues are down to one core problem: the lack of healthy communication.
Want to communicate better with your partner? Here are 4 things to take note of:
1. Have your own form of “let’s stop this now” statement
Let’s face it, arguments can get out of hand. One way to prevent anger and arguments from escalating is communicating the need to stop the discussion and for everyone involved to take a break, calm the nerves down before coming back to discuss from a logical point view instead of an emotional point view. Your statements can sound like this. *Note: the simpler the better, it doesn’t have to be complicated.
We need a break
Let’s take 20 mins
I need to take a moment to myself
We need to breathe
2. Never treat your spouse/ partner like a ranting bin/ venting machine
Have frustrations at the work place? Fed up with your in-laws? Process your emotions, thoughts, and self-regulate before you share them with your partner. If you need help from your partner, remind yourself and them that the anger is focused on the subject, and your partner is never the absorber of the anger.
Understand that it’s caring and kind of them to listen to your rants, and acknowledge that your partner is not here to solve your problem. Remember that your partner is not responsible for how you feel, you are responsible for your feelings and emotions. A statement you can use when wanting to share can sound like this:
“Hey I’m working through a problem I faced at home/ work, do you have the capacity to listen to me now? Or is there a better time later? I really need to speak to someone about it.”
3. Hold space, but don’t be the superhero
When your partner comes to you for consolation, it’s important to hold space and validate their feelings. Never tell them what they should or should not do. Additionally, while it may come from good intentions, advice is not necessary here unless it’s asked for by your partner. Here are some statements you can use:
I feel how you’re feeling, I don’t know how you handled that so well.
It’s difficult to be in your position. I’m with you.
That must’ve sucked, how did you manage it?
I’m so proud of you for sticking through this, how do you think the issue can be resolve better in the future?
4. Understand that all relationships take time and learning is a process
There will be times when you make mistakes in a relationship, there will be times you lose your cool, there will be times you try to control your spouse even when you know s/he is an individual themselves and they have freedom of choice. Be graceful and remember that both you and your partner are doing your best at each moment.
Check out part 1 series here, where I share 4 other tips to having healthy communication in a relationship.
Do you enjoy such content? What was an a-ha moment you’ve had? Let us know in the comments section below! If you enjoyed reading this post, share it with your partner or someone you know who might just need a little help.
All my best,
Carina
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