How Forgiveness can Strengthen your Friendship
There’s a common Chinese saying which goes “when you fight, you get closer” and it means that disagreements can ultimately strengthen a relationship by bringing the people involved closer.
While the above quote may be true in certain situations, it's important to know that conflicts, when not handled properly, can damage a relationship.
Arguing and jumping to conclusions can lead to hurtful words, actions, and feelings of resentment - a hurdle difficult to overcome even in strong relationships.
🤔 Remember the time you and your bestie fought because of a misunderstanding?
🤔 How did you resolve the misunderstanding in the end?
It all begins with the willingness to forgive.
Effective communication, mutual respect, understanding and the willingness to forgive is crucial in maintaining a friendship and bringing it to the next level.
Top reasons we feel resentment in a friendship
💔 Broken promises:
We all dislike being treated as if we’re unimportant. It is natural to feel let down or lose trust if a friend repeatedly breaks their promises or fails to follow through on their commitments.
💔 Disrespect:
Unkind words, actions and signs of being disrespected can lead to a build up of ill feelings towards a friend. A sure sign of “friendship in danger” is when a friend repeatedly crosses your boundaries or challenges your values.
Top reasons why we struggle with forgiveness
Often, it can be difficult to understand why we struggle with forgiving our close friends. Some reasons you’re struggling include:
1. Feeling betrayed - If a friend has betrayed your trust or broken a promise
2. Getting hurt by their actions or words - It can be especially difficult if the action or words were intentional
3. Being challenged of your personal values
How to forgive 🩹
1. Assess if communication was clear
Was there a miscommunication that happened? Perhaps an assumption made or a third party involved.
Communication is always key to expressing yourself fully and to understand another fully.
Instead of referring back to just verbal communication or communications via text messaging, were you able to recollect if there was a change in nonverbal communication during the conflict?
Recognize that it takes courage for a person to step up, apologize for their part and take action to repair the situation.
Are you willing to be the first person to be transparent or does your friend have to be the one who initiates the healing and repair of friendship?
Acknowledge the bravery you both display and the desire to repair the situation - this is the first step to healing the relationship.
2. Understand both side’s perspective from a third party
Are both of you able to step into the identity of a third party to look at this situation objectively and take steps towards resolving the conflict? Or are you able to seek an outsider’s help with resolving this situation?
Are you and your friend able to look at the situation objectively from an “outsiders’ perspective”, empathize with each other and communicate your needs to come up with a resolution?
Are you both open to listen and understand each other and take responsibility for your own parts in the disagreement?
Many times, we get stuck in our own head and mentality of being a “victim” in the situation that we fail to understand the lesson in the experience. Perhaps this experience was to guide you towards expressing your needs more, or perhaps it might serve a lesson for you to be more understanding and empathetic towards others.
3. Bury the hatchet or end the friendship
When things go sour, it’s easy to push the blame to others.
Yet, it takes two hands to clap. In every successful and painful relationship, all parties are involved and responsible for the outcome.
Relationships are difficult but they are also fulfilling. They serve as a lesson to teach us more about ourselves and others.
The golden question to answer: “Can we both commit to working on this relationship together?”
Now, I would love to hear from you! What was your biggest struggle with a friend, and how did you resolve it? Please share your story in the comments section below. Your experience might inspire someone else to take action towards healing their own friendship!
Are you curious to know if your friendship is strong and unbreakable? Download our FREE CHECKLIST and find out if your friendship meets the criteria for a healthy relationship.
** disclaimer: if your friend is verbally, physically, emotionally or psychologically abusing you and enjoying the abuse, no matter how much time you’ve spent together - leave the relationship. Once a relationship turns toxic, your mental health is the priority and your safety is the first thing to consider.
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