Attending to Negative Emotions
What’s your first instinctual action or thought when a negative emotion surface? For some it’s to run full speed in the opposite direction (e.g. people pleasing, overworking, raising expectations), for some it’s to freeze and not feel anything (e.g. numb out the emotions with substances, fall back to addictive patterns, deny and act as if it didn’t happen), for some it is to react accordingly (e.g. to lash out, to feel victimized).
There’s no fault in our reaction towards these negative emotions, yet we may not enjoy the consequences that comes about reacting to these negative emotions.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
When we get in touch and know our emotions better, we are able to manage them consciously and act with greater considerations than to react emotionally. We are able to take back control and gain power over our reactions. Here are 4 ways to attend to negative emotions:
1. Get curious about the message behind the emotion
Get curious and open about the message, and intentions of the emotions. Negative emotions may surface as a way to protect us, to teach us or to get our attention. Here are some questions you can ask:
What’s the role of this emotion?
What is it trying to inform me?
Is it protecting me from similar traumatic experience(s) of the past?
Is it helping me achieve a goal?
2. When you acknowledge it, you allow it to show up with lesser emotional reaction
Perfectionism can be managed. When we are highly critical of ourselves and others there is often an underlying need to feel secure. Deep resentment can be transmuted as a form of healing. When we acknowledge our emotions, we allow it to just be. Not attaching negative attributes or blaming the emotions can allow us to see these emotions as a function of a greater need that we have. When we no longer suppress the need to not feel these emotions we get less emotional and we can have a good balance of feeling the emotion but also knowing how to move on from there.
3. See from a higher perspective
Often times, when our friends/ children/ family face similar issue, we are able to hold space and encourage them in the right direction. Even if we do not have the answers we are able to respond to them kindly, can you do the same for yourself? How differently does seeing yourself from a third person perspective look and feel to you?
Ask: How would I solve this as a clear-headed adult?
4. Dance with them
The next time you notice the tendency to fall into a negative emotional spiral, instead of letting the emotion run your life, relationship or business, form a partnership with them. Communicate with your emotions, ask what it needs from you - perhaps a walk away from work, perhaps a nice cup of tea, perhaps switching off your electronic devices and disconnecting for awhile.
Know what you need, give yourself the support, encouragement to move on, and do what’s best for you while honoring the emotion’s duty to show up for you.
Now we want to hear from you, how do you manage the difficult emotions and which strategy would you be willing to try today? Let us know in the comments section below!
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