How to overcome public speaking anxiety?
The most common fear in the whole world is the fear of public speaking. And what fuels this fear is truly the fear of being judged. When we are judged we feel rejected. We humans are social creatures and our number 1 job on this planet is to find connection and fight rejection. It is in our blueprint. This was how our ancestors survived and this is how we are wired to survive.
“One rule of the mind is: the mind’s job is to make sure that we survive. ”
The mind’s job is not to make us happy but to ensure we stay alive and we stay alive by being connected to others and avoiding rejections.
Some of the common physical sensations people share about right before they speak publicly:
Cheeks flushed red
Ears getting blocked
Feeling themselves shrinking
Feeling out of breath
Uncontrollable shaking of hands
Blurred vision
Mind blankness
The fear we might have when standing in front of a group of people can be “what if I say something wrong?”, “will they like what I’m saying?”, “do they have a different opinion about this?”
These are valid concerns but they need not take control over your life. Instead of viewing the speaking event as a defining life moment, see it as a learning experience. The best speakers in the world have had many failed attempts, mockery or even self-judgment. It’s with practice, training and experience that got them to where they are today. You can achieve that too.
If you make a mistake, let it go. It is a learning experience. If people disagree with your speech, it maybe they have a different opinion on the topic, it does not mean they reject you.
Think back of a moment in time when you could have faced similar situations of being shamed or rejected in the public. It could be a past event where you felt the same feelings of stress and overwhelm when you’re not accepted for being who you are or feeling unprepared for a major event like presenting yourself to someone new. Such moments from the past could have shaped the responses you have today – to feel a wave of fear and a desire to run away or avoid rejection during public speaking.
When the mind associates pain such as embarrassment to sharing your opinions and public speaking, it keeps you safe by moving you away from the source of pain and towards feeling safe. In this case the mind can play out many scenarios in your mind to prevent you from feeling uncomfortable speaking in the public. Because of the underlying fear and negative association to public speaking, the mind is also capable of keeping you safe by coming up with physical issues such as upset stomach, feeling giddiness or coming up with a fever to keep you away from public speaking.
Know that you’re not alone in this experience and you can overcome the fear.
1. Start practicing
Whether in front of a mirror or in front of a group of non-judgmental friends, practice your speech or practice voicing your opinions. Allow yourself to share and know you’re in a safe space. Once you feel comfortable, start to expand your comfort zone by speaking to people who may not hold the same opinion as you and understand that when they disagree with your point, they are disagreeing with the opinion you have, they are not disagreeing who you are and have no intention of hating you. One easy topic to start with will be talking about your favorite food – your mind knows logically that not everyone has to like the food you like. Starting from simple examples like these can help increase your comfort level to sharing more of your personal opinions and discuss the greater issues.
2. Get help or professional training
Is there someone – a mentor or a supervisor or a trainer you can get help from to overcome the fear of public speaking, to increase confidence in doing more of such public speaking? Oftentimes we put our role models on a pedestal thinking we can never achieve what they achieved. Listen to their story and know that all experts came from the same background: starting out as a beginner. Have them share their experiences with you, their learnt takeaways and implement into your practice.
3. Be your own cheerleader
Self-praise raises your self-esteem so much more than the affirmations, recognitions and approval of others. When you praise yourself there is no hidden motive, you simply just want to feel better. Start giving praises to yourself for the little things such as “I thank myself today for being courageous, for being brave, for showing up, for trying this” and build your way to praising yourself for bigger achievements. When you praise yourself, you start to feel better about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, the voice of insecurity has no way to defeat you.
4. Push yourself to do the difficult things
When we started out as beginners, things are tough. As we practice and hone a skill, we not only get better at them, we also gained confidence in the skill. The confidence-competence loop teaches us that when we increase our competence in a particular skill we feel more confident to practice it. The more we practice it the more competent we get, it’s a never ending cycle of self-improvement.
Now we want to hear from you, do you struggle with public speaking? Which of the above methods will you use to help you feel comfortable with public speaking? Let us know in the comments section below! We love to hear from you :)
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